A lot of people ask me, "Russ, how do I know when I might need counselling?" This is a good question. Many think that counselling is for when life is falling apart. Certainly, getting good support and resources for helping you navigate putting the pieces back together again, is critical. However, counseling is really an opportunity to grow, enhance and deepen our understanding of ourselves and our relationships. Many people wait too long to address a problem in their life.
If their car engine light was on, they would take it in to be checked out fairly quickly. However, when it comes to their emotional struggles, relationship difficulties, or work stress, they ignore the "engine light" for weeks, months, and even years. Only when the engine of their relationship is about to fall out, do they then decide to invest in the addressing the issue - which is really an investment in themselves and in their relationship.
So what can tell you if your engine light is on? Here are a few questions to consider. If you answer "yes" to any of them, your engine light is "on" and it is time address it before more damage is done:
- Do you have unfinished emotional business in your life that you know you are avoiding?
- Are there physical or relationship symptoms (physical ailments, fatigue, insomnia, stomach problems, distance in your relationship, unresolved conflicts) in your life that point to the fact there are unresolved issues that are hurting you and your relationship?
- Are you engaged in activities or behaviours (drinking, drugging, numbing out with TV, over exercising, etc.) to intentionally soothe or distract you from pain in your life?
- Are you withdrawing from people, situations, and especially supports in your life?
- Are you feeling stuck emotionally, relationally, spiritually in your life and can't seem to get unstuck?
- Are you overwhelmed by a problem, issue, relationship, and just wish it would go away?
- Have you been stressed out by life for more than 3 months and you don't see relief coming in the future?
- Have you or others found that you "just aren't the same person" you used to be because of an event, situation that you have gone through?
- Do you know that you are your own worst enemy and that you battle with negative thinking about yourself, others, and life?
- Have you lost spiritual faith, meaning, or hope, that you once had and wished you had it again?
These are just a few indicators that your engine light is on. Sometimes, a person can even get used to living their life with their engine light always on. This state becomes their new "normal". This new "normal" is really a chronically unhealthy lifestyle and places the person in a much higher risk for greater problems down the road.
So, take some time to look at your own life and see if your "engine light might be on". And if so, reach out and do something about it. You will never regret attending to the "engine light" in your life.
If reading this made you think of someone in your life who's engine light may be on, share this with them as a way of caring about them.
